Headed into March Forth Madness, This Sweet Sixteen Holds Some Surprises

By Les Truthly, United Fake News (UFN) 
March 23, 2020—McLean, VA  

The scene has been set; March Forth Madness has begun.                                                                                                 

When the curtain went up this weekend at the venues for the regional semifinals of the INCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, there were a few surprising players on the stage—and they may have been the most surprised of all.

We might have gotten a glimpse of things to come when the unassuming Shockers of Wichita State knocked off 12th-seeded UCLA in their first play-in game and then went on, three short days later, to topple Coach Chris Holtmann’s 4th-seeded Ohio State Buckeyes. The Shockers become only the second team in INCAA tourney history (after Virginia Commonwealth in 2011) to muscle their way into the Sweet Sixteen after starting in one of the first four play-in games. VCU made it all the way to the Final Four in 2011. Can the Shockers take it all the way to the Frostbite Dome in Sioux Falls for the championship game? Watch this space for further developments.

In other news, the University of Pennsylvania, which ended the regular season fourth in the Ivy League but won the conference tournament to earn an automatic bid to the INCAA, pulled off an even bigger upset than the Shockers, beating mighty #3 seed Kentucky to advance into the second round. Sadly for the Quakers, their burst of brilliance didn’t carry them past the Michigan Wolverines, who dispatched them, 78–67 and advanced to the regional semifinals. Kentucky hasn’t taken such a defeat from a 14th seed since Adolph Rupp was a teenager. Messaging his alma mater after the big win, President Trump reportedly tweeted, “This was the biggest win ever for #UPenn! HUGE! I want to treat the whole team to a covfefe!” Some were hoping to see a matchup between Pennsylvania and Delaware, the alma mater of a certain Democratic former VP, but it was not to be. The Michigan State Trojans handed the Blue Hens a ticket back home, then went on to beat Reverend Falwell’s Liberty University Flames, setting up a regional round clash with the aforementioned Wolverines. When asked about the loss, Biden said he wanted to pin a Silver Star on the coaches, even if they didn’t think they deserved it.

Sweet Sixteen matchups to watch: #1 seed Kansas vs. #5 University of Houston and Michigan (6) vs. Michigan State (2) in the Midwest Region; Dayton (1) vs. Wichita State and Villanova (3) vs. Duke (2) in the East Region; Gonzaga (1) vs. West Virginia (5) and Butler (6) vs. San Diego State (2) in the West Region; Baylor (1) vs Wisconsin (5) and Virginia (6) vs. Florida State (2) in the East Region.

Speaking of Florida State, a number of Seminole partisans are reportedly riled because their team was only seeded second in their region, leading to calls for the state legislature to proclaim them national champions. Is that crazy, or what? No way that will ever happen. Commenting on the dustup, Gordon “Smiley” Bernhardt, President and CEO of the Imaginary National Collegiate Athletics Association, said, “We respect the Florida State fans and their love for their team, but the INCAA has to abide by the seeding established by our committee. If they want to be national champions, they’ll have to earn it on the court. Anything else is fake news.”